work work work

starting the 1st of june .. i'll be working 2 jobs .. day and night .. it's gonna be tiring .. but it's gonna be worth it .. i'm a team leader by day and DJ by night .. haha .. sounds like somekinda superhero shit .. but it's not .. well .. we'll see what happens

i feel for u

i just read Karen's blog .. i seriously feel for her .. i understand what she's going through .. i mean what the fuck is wrong with this ppl? is it that nice to spread rumors about someone? if the rumors are true i MIGHT understand .. but it's all false .. and i am willing to put my life on the line to prove that it's all false ..

sometimes i feel that this kinda ppl suck to the max .. spreading their hatred towards someone else by telling fake stories .. it's just something that normal ppl wont do .. i guess that they are not normal ..

Karen .. u just hang in there .. i'll always be there for u .. just try to ignore them .. i'll get them back for u .. trust me ..

tiring day

well today was ok .. but was fucking busy .. din even had time to rest .. was busy with work the whole day .. was doing work non stop .. but it was all worth it .. cos it gave my boss a good view of what i can do for the team ..

my pay's finally out .. and i had a few minutes for shopping even with my work and all .. tot of buying something for her .. but i dont know what to get for her .. i'm afraid that she wont like it .. but i had a few things in mind .. cos she told me what she likes last time .. so mayb i'll get that for her .. if u wanna know what it is .. u wont be able to know ..

after work i went to jonker to sing for Karabau Cafe .. some of my friends came .. we had a great time .. drinking and singing .. all's good thou .. nothing much happen actually .. but whatever it is .. it was still a normal boring loveless day for me ..

Karen .. i still love u ..

boring day out

today was my day off again .. it seems that recently i've been having many off days .. no idea why .. it's like work 2 days then off 1 day .. but it's nice to be able to relax at home and do nothing .. life is like so meaningless nowadays .. i wake up and i got nothing to do .. WTF~!! imagine doing that most of the time when ur not working ..

woke up at 3pm today .. then i was watching tv .. i suddenly had the feeling of going out .. so i went out .. guess where i went .. WORK .. am i addicted to work? i dont think so .. but it seems like every offdays i have .. i'll be at work .. even if it's just for a while .. i dunno what the fuck has happen to me .. argh .. night came .. and i was seriously bored till death .. went jalan jalan alone around malacca .. got kinda fucked up .. cos i was going around with no destination at all .. imagine that ..

on the way home .. i was thinking about someone .. i was thinking about Karen .. i was wondering what she's doing at that moment .. things keep on playing in my mind .. things like "how's her school life?" "is she doing ok?" "how she looks like now" .. plenty of things kept circling around my head .. mayb it's a fact that i miss her loads .. but it seem useless .. everything i do wont get her to talk to me .. it kinda sucks ..

stressed

well .. it's been awhile since i last updated my blog .. my fucking pc broke down .. and i couldnt take the company's laptop home everyday .. nothing much has happened recently .. just that i've finally been promoted to Team Leader .. and guess what .. for Melaka and Seremban .. which means i have to be running around alot between Melaka and Seremban .. it will be tiring .. but i know that i can do it ..

although it's a big chance for me to excel in my work .. but i dont feel complete .. there something still missing... but i just cant find out what that is .. can someone tell me?

Long day

today was a long and sad day i might say .. although i didn't know what i was sad about until night time .. but i was kinda moody the whole day .. what ticked me off i also dont know .. while i was working .. i knew something bad was gonna happen today .. and it really did .. the place where i was working really sucked badly .. suddenly everyone like showing their colors to me .. pissing me off in all kinds of ways ..

i tot that after my work was gonna be better .. but i was wrong .. i found out that she blocked me in MSN .. and that really broke my heart .. and that she wasnt using the number that i normally contact her with .. i dunno what her plan is .. i think her plan is to totally block me out from her life .. but i dont think that will do .. i mean i know she hates me and all .. but i still wont give up .. she didnt even reply my sms today .. but what can i do? i was in the wrong from the beginning .. but i couldnt do anything to change back the past ..

its a shame that people cant get a second chance in love .. i've been in 6 relationships .. and guess what .. all 6 broke my heart .. it's kinda hard to believe .. that i never ended a relationship in my life before .. and i dont plan to .. i'm the type of person where when i love someone .. my feelings towards that person will never change .. that is because i've been in too many heart breaking moments and i dont want the person that i love to feel the same way i did last time .. that is why i never want to end a relationship .. am i stupid for being like this? getting my heart broken over and over and over and over again?

everynight i pray for the best to come .. for the person i love to give me a second chance .. but i'll never know when that time will come .. but believe me .. i will wait for that day to come .. no matter how long it will take me .. i will wait .. cos i believe in faith .. and i believe in love ..

awful day

well .. today kinda sucked .. damn tiring from all the running around at work .. din even had time to eat .. well .. didnt even had much mood to eat .. but i did found RM50 bucks .. the story was kinda funny .. was working and there was this fucked up customer that was making noise .. scolding us all .. then i noticed that he was holding several hundred in his hands .. the mistake he did was to drop 1 piece .. and that was enough .. i took the money and used it .. end of story .. haha .. didnt even crossed my mind to pass it back to him .. well .. he was asking for it when he started scolding us .. haha .. padan muke ..

didnt msg her to whole day today ... just dont know why .. wanted to .. but i knew what i was gonna get back in return .. basically nothing .. it's not that i've given up .. i havent .. i am still waiting for her .. i think i should take her friends advice .. give her time to cool down .. i know that she's angry at me .. so i have to give her some space .. mayb when the time comes .. she might reply my sms?? who knows?

well i was reading the papers earlier .. and i saw the news about dear Uncle Ben .. and how the story went .. part of it was true .. and part of it wasnt .. the part where the JAIM ppl came .. was fake .. they freaking came at 1am .. and the newspaper wrote that they came at 10pm .. i means wtf?? but i dont blame them .. malaysia is all about politics .. newspaper dont want to cause many problems .. so they just put a nice time for them .. i dont blame them .. all i know now is that Uncle Ben is in peace now .. anyone who wants to read about him can go check out The Star papers (6/5/2009) which page i dont know .. but it's in there somewhere ..

well i seriously dont know what to write now .. just hope that things can be better soon .. i'll just have to wait for her .. i miss u karen

Ignorance Is Blyss

today i had a very hard time just to think straight .. lots of things happen today .. for one is that dear Uncle Ben from Karabau Cafe passed away .. although he gave me a hard time organizing gigs and all .. but he was a great man .. i just came back from his funeral .. went there to visit him for the last time .. me and my friends played some songs for him .. all went well .. until JAIM came .. i know that Uncle Ben was married with a malay girl .. but i didnt know that he was still a muslim .. JAIM wanted to claim his body and burry it malay style .. i know that it's againts their rules to let a muslim person get cremated .. but i know that his family wants him to be creamated .. JAIM didn't get the chance to claim his body .. cos Uncle Ben's brothers stood there and fight for the rights .. JAIM went back and said that they will be back tomorrow .. it was like an action movie .. but everything was happening in front of me ..

wanted to go to the beach today .. but didnt happen cos SHE didnt want to reply me .. i wanted to take her to the beach cos that was where it all started .. at the beach .. i was basically hoping that i could bring back those feelings to her .. and mayb she can see how much she means to me .. today i recieved my phone bill and i saw her bill .. she did made a lot of calls .. but i already told her .. that i would pay for her .. so what somemore .. pay lor .. it's not that i regret or anything .. i just hope that she would talk to me again .. friends maybe? but she wont even reply me as a friend .. i was feeling damn down today .. cos of the lost of Uncle Ben .. i wasnt close to him .. but he tought me several things in life .. well he didnt say anything that tought me things .. but it was the way he wants things to be that gave me a bigger view of what a gig needs ..

when i was feeling down .. i sms'ed her .. and told her that i was not that happy .. and how i wished that she could accompany me .. but no reply .. how sad is that? i know that i did several mistake when i was with her .. but i cant change the pass .. all i have to do now is hope that one day she will forgive me and give me another chance .. that's all i'm asking for .. i still do love her .. that's a fact ..

had a chat with my best friend wui chien .. and he lectured me about my life .. i know that he was just trying to shake me out of this nightmare .. but it's hard .. the first day that i knew about Karen .. i skipped work .. i know that i wasnt suppost to skip .. cos i'm the team leader .. and i have to show a good image to them .. but i really didnt feel like working that day .. but things will change now .. i will work hard and earn back her trust in me .. hoping that one day i will be able to provide her a life that she's always wanted ..

krazy~!!

today i felt like i was gonna go crazy .. the tot of her with another guy is just killing me .. i skipped work today cos i din have the mood to go work .. my friends told me "dont mad la .. work is work" .. but for me .. i dont give a fuck about anything else .. all i ever wanted is to be with her .. or at least for her to give me a chance .. it seems impossible .. was out almost the whole night .. thinking about things .. nearly died in front of her house .. cos i was reading her sms that she sent to me since last time .. i intend to read all the past when i'm sad .. i was driving back while reading her sms .. then i didn't notice the car in front of me .. and nearly banged it .. damn i was scared .. but she doesn't even care about me .. even if i were to die in front of her house .. i did sms her about that near death accident .. but she didn't even reply .. it either she's sleeping or she's just ignoring me ..

it seriously hurts my heart .. today itself i did a few things that i wont normally do .. she means the world to me .. even if it hurts me damn badly .. i still want her back .. wanting her to give me another chance .. i'm seriously willing to do anything for her .. but she wont even give me a chance .. i seriously dunno what else i can do .. i gave her my heart .. i din even care if she were to throw it away or what .. but i still gave her myh heart .. that is h0w much i love her .. but she cant see it ..

what can i do to get her to notice me? i feel like i'm back at square one .. when we first meet .. i didn't have the balls to talk to her .. i didnt have the guts to do anything .. seriously .. i'm damn scared of one thing .. is really losing her as a friend .. what else as a lover .. i dont think that i can give up on her that easy .. it might take me years .. but my heart has really learned to love her deeply .. i know that it's only 1 month of being together .. but that 1 month .. has really showed me the true meaning of love .. i just cant get my head to think straight ..

karen .. if ur reading this .. i'm begging u to give me a chance .. let me show u the love that i've given u last time .. i know that u're angry at me for lying to u about my financial problems .. but i did that cos i was seriously affraid that u might dislike me for having those kinda problems .. i know that i'm not the best in anything .. but i seriously want to be .. even if it takes me years to change .. i'm seriously willing to change .. just for u .. cant u see how much i love u? my life's a mess without you .. i serious think that i might die if i dont have u .. pls give me another chance .. i promise to be better .. to treat u better than last time .. be a better man for u .. and for ur future .. i swear on my dad's soul .. pls give me another chance.. i love u karen low ka ling