Wind Blows (and so does life)

there is this love story called "P.S I Love You" .. it's a freaking nice love story .. it's basically about how sweet a guy can be in a relationship .. but this story has a slight twist of it's own .. u have to go watch it to know how to show is .. the show basically was introduced to me by Karen .. i watch it with her once .. and now astro is playing it .. it reminds me of the times i spend with her .. and how much i miss her .. but all of those are in the pass .. how i just wish i can re-live the moment just for 1 last time .. but i know it's kinda impossible ..

sometimes i wonder to myself .. why is she treating me like this? ignoring me and stuffs .. i never express my feelings to anyone .. not even my best friend .. what the heck did i do to make her hate me this much? i seriously dont really know .. i wanna find out .. but i just dont know how .. was it the way i treated her? i even asked my ex how did i treated her last time when we were together .. mayb i treated her differently compared to my ex .. but my feelings are the same .. i just wish that she could just reply the msges that i've sent to her and hoping that we could at least be friends again .. the postpaid line that i got her is still active .. i dont mind paying the fees even if it's not in use .. all i want is for us to be friends again .. that's all .. is that so hard?

i understand that she's a freaking beautiful girl .. and that there are many people after her .. but why is the world filled with peverts? there are a bunch of people posting dirty comments in her c-box .. all i did was defend her .. i didnt ask anything back in return .. all i wanted is for people to respect her for who she is .. but NO~!! .. she asked me to keep my comments to myself .. she didn't really pointed the finger at me .. but i have a strong feeling that it's meant for me .. i'm not angry or anything .. i'm just sad that she would say those kinda things to me .. well .. mayb i might be thinking too much .. but if the msg was for me .. it hurts me freaking deep ..

it's been 3 months i guess .. since we broke up .. but the feeling is just like yesterday .. my time isnt moving .. friends say that it's about time for me to move on .. but i dont think i can .. she can take everything away from me .. but she'll always be in my heart .. cos there's a special place for her in there .. i will never forget the sweet moments that she gave me .. and i'll always cherish it .. hoping that someday .. i can feel those sweet moments again .. i'll be waiting ..

Missing

i know that in life i've done many mistakes .. but all i hope is that for you to forgive me ..

To Karen :

i know that i've been a jerk .. i know that i've been harsh at u sometimes .. but all i ever wanted is for u to be happy .. the things that i did was seriously my fault .. u were never at fault at all .. i don't blame u for doing what u're doing now .. all i want is for u to forgive me and give me a chance to mend things back to the way it was .. it was definitely a pleasure meeting you .. getting the chance to know who u really are .. until now i still can't forgive myself .. i keep on thinking of ways to mend things back .. but i just dont know which one will do .. but what i know is that whatever problems u have .. i'll always be there for u .. supporting you all the way .. i will be there to provide u anything that would make u happy .. Karen .. i miss u ..

All The Same

I dont mind where you come from

As long as you come to me

But I dont like illusions I cant see

Them clearly

I dont care, no I wouldn't dare

To fix the twist in you

You've shown me eventually what you'll do

I dont mind

I dont care

As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

And do it all over again

It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by

Till you decide to come

But in-between it always seems too long

Suddenly

But I have the skill, yeah

I have the will, to breath you in while I can

However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care

As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

And do it all over again

It's always the same

Wrong or Right

Black or White

If I close my eyes

Its all the same

In my life

The compromise

I'll close my eyes

Its all the same

Go ahead say it

You're leaving

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are now

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's all the same

Heartless

today when i was at work .. i was listening to this song sang by Kris Allen .. he's the american idol 09 winner .. and he was singing this song called "Heartless" original cover by Kanye West .. he totally changed the whole song .. and it was amazing .. but i didn't know the meaning of the song till now .. when i was checking out Youtube .. i was listening to the lyrics .. it really meant something to me .. it's like the situation i'm having with Karen now .. it's not to say that she's a bad person or what .. i think she's wonderful .. she's like an angel to me .. when i listen to the song .. it just reminds me of her .. and what has happen ..

i seriously don't understand why ppl can think that i'm a bad person .. am i? do i talk like a gangster? i might do at times .. but that is normally when i'm pissed off .. but normally i'm ok .. rite? i was just trying to defend for karen in her blog .. and then suddenly out of no where .. ppl say that i'm like a gangster .. i was like wtf?? what did i say to make me sound like a gangster? i just dont understand these ppls .. weird .. =_="

i seriously dunno what to do to get her out of my head .. she's blocked me out of her life .. and i can't do anything about that .. but that's life .. maybe one day she will let me back in? who knows? all i can do is pray for the best to happen ..

btw .. i realize that not everyone can be trusted .. i found out that there are snakes around me .. and i'm gonna get rid of them .. or at least tell them who's incharge and not to mess with me .. fuck u idiots .. thinking that u can out smart me? try again assholes .. sorry for the bad language .. but it sucks to know that ur own "friends" backstab u ..

i received an sms from my ex few days ago .. she said that she's coming down to mlk .. and that if i don't mind meeting her bf .. then we can meet .. but i don't think so i will meet them .. dun forget that this is the same guy who stole her away from me .. but i'm over that .. i just dont wanna see his face ..

tomorrow Ryan will be coming back .. yahoo .. at least i have something to do this weekend .. haha .. by the way .. this is the version of the song that i was talking about ..

The Fray - Heartless (Kanye West Cover)

Cry on My Shoulder

well .. it's been awhile since i last updated my blog .. been really busy with 2 works .. i really feel like resigning the night job .. it's wearing me out .. but i think i'll stay there for at least 1 month .. then we see how ..

i have a plan to help Karen out with her problems in school .. but its kinda hard cos i dun have any info on what's happening .. i know that even when she's in form 6 .. she still is having problems .. i just wanna help .. but i need more info .. i seriously dont understand what kinda fun do u get spreading rumors about someone else? cant they just leave her alone? let her focus on her studies? if i really get to know who did this .. they are gonna get back what they did to karen .. and this i promise her .. i just need the names .. then they are gone ..

this few days has been really tough for me .. i found out that i've totally lost contact with her .. she changed her number .. now i'm really lost .. i dunno what to do next .. i've been waiting and hoping that her anger at me will go down .. then mayb can talk .. but i might have waited too long .. and now i totally lost contact of her .. karen .. if ur reading this blog .. can u pls contact me? i've learned my lesson .. i really have ..

work work work

starting the 1st of june .. i'll be working 2 jobs .. day and night .. it's gonna be tiring .. but it's gonna be worth it .. i'm a team leader by day and DJ by night .. haha .. sounds like somekinda superhero shit .. but it's not .. well .. we'll see what happens

i feel for u

i just read Karen's blog .. i seriously feel for her .. i understand what she's going through .. i mean what the fuck is wrong with this ppl? is it that nice to spread rumors about someone? if the rumors are true i MIGHT understand .. but it's all false .. and i am willing to put my life on the line to prove that it's all false ..

sometimes i feel that this kinda ppl suck to the max .. spreading their hatred towards someone else by telling fake stories .. it's just something that normal ppl wont do .. i guess that they are not normal ..

Karen .. u just hang in there .. i'll always be there for u .. just try to ignore them .. i'll get them back for u .. trust me ..