♥ My Life Around Me ♥

Wind Blows (and so does life)

2009-07-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

there is this love story called "P.S I Love You" .. it's a freaking nice love story .. it's basically about how sweet a guy can be in a relationship .. but this story has a slight twist of it's own .. u have to go watch it to know how to show is .. the show basically was introduced to me by Karen .. i watch it with her once .. and now astro is playing it .. it reminds me of the times i spend with her .. and how much i miss her .. but all of those are in the pass .. how i just wish i can re-live the moment just for 1 last time .. but i know it's kinda impossible ..

sometimes i wonder to myself .. why is she treating me like this? ignoring me and stuffs .. i never express my feelings to anyone .. not even my best friend .. what the heck did i do to make her hate me this much? i seriously dont really know .. i wanna find out .. but i just dont know how .. was it the way i treated her? i even asked my ex how did i treated her last time when we were together .. mayb i treated her differently compared to my ex .. but my feelings are the same .. i just wish that she could just reply the msges that i've sent to her and hoping that we could at least be friends again .. the postpaid line that i got her is still active .. i dont mind paying the fees even if it's not in use .. all i want is for us to be friends again .. that's all .. is that so hard?

i understand that she's a freaking beautiful girl .. and that there are many people after her .. but why is the world filled with peverts? there are a bunch of people posting dirty comments in her c-box .. all i did was defend her .. i didnt ask anything back in return .. all i wanted is for people to respect her for who she is .. but NO~!! .. she asked me to keep my comments to myself .. she didn't really pointed the finger at me .. but i have a strong feeling that it's meant for me .. i'm not angry or anything .. i'm just sad that she would say those kinda things to me .. well .. mayb i might be thinking too much .. but if the msg was for me .. it hurts me freaking deep ..

it's been 3 months i guess .. since we broke up .. but the feeling is just like yesterday .. my time isnt moving .. friends say that it's about time for me to move on .. but i dont think i can .. she can take everything away from me .. but she'll always be in my heart .. cos there's a special place for her in there .. i will never forget the sweet moments that she gave me .. and i'll always cherish it .. hoping that someday .. i can feel those sweet moments again .. i'll be waiting ..

Missing

2009-06-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

i know that in life i've done many mistakes .. but all i hope is that for you to forgive me ..

To Karen :

i know that i've been a jerk .. i know that i've been harsh at u sometimes .. but all i ever wanted is for u to be happy .. the things that i did was seriously my fault .. u were never at fault at all .. i don't blame u for doing what u're doing now .. all i want is for u to forgive me and give me a chance to mend things back to the way it was .. it was definitely a pleasure meeting you .. getting the chance to know who u really are .. until now i still can't forgive myself .. i keep on thinking of ways to mend things back .. but i just dont know which one will do .. but what i know is that whatever problems u have .. i'll always be there for u .. supporting you all the way .. i will be there to provide u anything that would make u happy .. Karen .. i miss u ..

All The Same

2009-06-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

I dont mind where you come from

As long as you come to me

But I dont like illusions I cant see

Them clearly

I dont care, no I wouldn't dare

To fix the twist in you

You've shown me eventually what you'll do

I dont mind

I dont care

As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

And do it all over again

It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by

Till you decide to come

But in-between it always seems too long

Suddenly

But I have the skill, yeah

I have the will, to breath you in while I can

However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care

As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

And do it all over again

It's always the same

Wrong or Right

Black or White

If I close my eyes

Its all the same

In my life

The compromise

I'll close my eyes

Its all the same

Go ahead say it

You're leaving

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are now

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's all the same

Heartless

2009-06-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

today when i was at work .. i was listening to this song sang by Kris Allen .. he's the american idol 09 winner .. and he was singing this song called "Heartless" original cover by Kanye West .. he totally changed the whole song .. and it was amazing .. but i didn't know the meaning of the song till now .. when i was checking out Youtube .. i was listening to the lyrics .. it really meant something to me .. it's like the situation i'm having with Karen now .. it's not to say that she's a bad person or what .. i think she's wonderful .. she's like an angel to me .. when i listen to the song .. it just reminds me of her .. and what has happen ..

i seriously don't understand why ppl can think that i'm a bad person .. am i? do i talk like a gangster? i might do at times .. but that is normally when i'm pissed off .. but normally i'm ok .. rite? i was just trying to defend for karen in her blog .. and then suddenly out of no where .. ppl say that i'm like a gangster .. i was like wtf?? what did i say to make me sound like a gangster? i just dont understand these ppls .. weird .. =_="

i seriously dunno what to do to get her out of my head .. she's blocked me out of her life .. and i can't do anything about that .. but that's life .. maybe one day she will let me back in? who knows? all i can do is pray for the best to happen ..

btw .. i realize that not everyone can be trusted .. i found out that there are snakes around me .. and i'm gonna get rid of them .. or at least tell them who's incharge and not to mess with me .. fuck u idiots .. thinking that u can out smart me? try again assholes .. sorry for the bad language .. but it sucks to know that ur own "friends" backstab u ..

i received an sms from my ex few days ago .. she said that she's coming down to mlk .. and that if i don't mind meeting her bf .. then we can meet .. but i don't think so i will meet them .. dun forget that this is the same guy who stole her away from me .. but i'm over that .. i just dont wanna see his face ..

tomorrow Ryan will be coming back .. yahoo .. at least i have something to do this weekend .. haha .. by the way .. this is the version of the song that i was talking about ..

The Fray - Heartless (Kanye West Cover)

Cry on My Shoulder

2009-06-04T12:08:00.001-07:00

well .. it's been awhile since i last updated my blog .. been really busy with 2 works .. i really feel like resigning the night job .. it's wearing me out .. but i think i'll stay there for at least 1 month .. then we see how ..

i have a plan to help Karen out with her problems in school .. but its kinda hard cos i dun have any info on what's happening .. i know that even when she's in form 6 .. she still is having problems .. i just wanna help .. but i need more info .. i seriously dont understand what kinda fun do u get spreading rumors about someone else? cant they just leave her alone? let her focus on her studies? if i really get to know who did this .. they are gonna get back what they did to karen .. and this i promise her .. i just need the names .. then they are gone ..

this few days has been really tough for me .. i found out that i've totally lost contact with her .. she changed her number .. now i'm really lost .. i dunno what to do next .. i've been waiting and hoping that her anger at me will go down .. then mayb can talk .. but i might have waited too long .. and now i totally lost contact of her .. karen .. if ur reading this blog .. can u pls contact me? i've learned my lesson .. i really have ..

work work work

2009-05-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

starting the 1st of june .. i'll be working 2 jobs .. day and night .. it's gonna be tiring .. but it's gonna be worth it .. i'm a team leader by day and DJ by night .. haha .. sounds like somekinda superhero shit .. but it's not .. well .. we'll see what happens

i feel for u

2009-05-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

i just read Karen's blog .. i seriously feel for her .. i understand what she's going through .. i mean what the fuck is wrong with this ppl? is it that nice to spread rumors about someone? if the rumors are true i MIGHT understand .. but it's all false .. and i am willing to put my life on the line to prove that it's all false ..

sometimes i feel that this kinda ppl suck to the max .. spreading their hatred towards someone else by telling fake stories .. it's just something that normal ppl wont do .. i guess that they are not normal ..

Karen .. u just hang in there .. i'll always be there for u .. just try to ignore them .. i'll get them back for u .. trust me ..

tiring day

2009-05-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

well today was ok .. but was fucking busy .. din even had time to rest .. was busy with work the whole day .. was doing work non stop .. but it was all worth it .. cos it gave my boss a good view of what i can do for the team ..

my pay's finally out .. and i had a few minutes for shopping even with my work and all .. tot of buying something for her .. but i dont know what to get for her .. i'm afraid that she wont like it .. but i had a few things in mind .. cos she told me what she likes last time .. so mayb i'll get that for her .. if u wanna know what it is .. u wont be able to know ..

after work i went to jonker to sing for Karabau Cafe .. some of my friends came .. we had a great time .. drinking and singing .. all's good thou .. nothing much happen actually .. but whatever it is .. it was still a normal boring loveless day for me ..

Karen .. i still love u ..

boring day out

2009-05-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

today was my day off again .. it seems that recently i've been having many off days .. no idea why .. it's like work 2 days then off 1 day .. but it's nice to be able to relax at home and do nothing .. life is like so meaningless nowadays .. i wake up and i got nothing to do .. WTF~!! imagine doing that most of the time when ur not working ..

woke up at 3pm today .. then i was watching tv .. i suddenly had the feeling of going out .. so i went out .. guess where i went .. WORK .. am i addicted to work? i dont think so .. but it seems like every offdays i have .. i'll be at work .. even if it's just for a while .. i dunno what the fuck has happen to me .. argh .. night came .. and i was seriously bored till death .. went jalan jalan alone around malacca .. got kinda fucked up .. cos i was going around with no destination at all .. imagine that ..

on the way home .. i was thinking about someone .. i was thinking about Karen .. i was wondering what she's doing at that moment .. things keep on playing in my mind .. things like "how's her school life?" "is she doing ok?" "how she looks like now" .. plenty of things kept circling around my head .. mayb it's a fact that i miss her loads .. but it seem useless .. everything i do wont get her to talk to me .. it kinda sucks ..

stressed

2009-05-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

well .. it's been awhile since i last updated my blog .. my fucking pc broke down .. and i couldnt take the company's laptop home everyday .. nothing much has happened recently .. just that i've finally been promoted to Team Leader .. and guess what .. for Melaka and Seremban .. which means i have to be running around alot between Melaka and Seremban .. it will be tiring .. but i know that i can do it ..

although it's a big chance for me to excel in my work .. but i dont feel complete .. there something still missing... but i just cant find out what that is .. can someone tell me?

Long day

2009-05-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

today was a long and sad day i might say .. although i didn't know what i was sad about until night time .. but i was kinda moody the whole day .. what ticked me off i also dont know .. while i was working .. i knew something bad was gonna happen today .. and it really did .. the place where i was working really sucked badly .. suddenly everyone like showing their colors to me .. pissing me off in all kinds of ways ..

i tot that after my work was gonna be better .. but i was wrong .. i found out that she blocked me in MSN .. and that really broke my heart .. and that she wasnt using the number that i normally contact her with .. i dunno what her plan is .. i think her plan is to totally block me out from her life .. but i dont think that will do .. i mean i know she hates me and all .. but i still wont give up .. she didnt even reply my sms today .. but what can i do? i was in the wrong from the beginning .. but i couldnt do anything to change back the past ..

its a shame that people cant get a second chance in love .. i've been in 6 relationships .. and guess what .. all 6 broke my heart .. it's kinda hard to believe .. that i never ended a relationship in my life before .. and i dont plan to .. i'm the type of person where when i love someone .. my feelings towards that person will never change .. that is because i've been in too many heart breaking moments and i dont want the person that i love to feel the same way i did last time .. that is why i never want to end a relationship .. am i stupid for being like this? getting my heart broken over and over and over and over again?

everynight i pray for the best to come .. for the person i love to give me a second chance .. but i'll never know when that time will come .. but believe me .. i will wait for that day to come .. no matter how long it will take me .. i will wait .. cos i believe in faith .. and i believe in love ..

awful day

2009-05-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

well .. today kinda sucked .. damn tiring from all the running around at work .. din even had time to eat .. well .. didnt even had much mood to eat .. but i did found RM50 bucks .. the story was kinda funny .. was working and there was this fucked up customer that was making noise .. scolding us all .. then i noticed that he was holding several hundred in his hands .. the mistake he did was to drop 1 piece .. and that was enough .. i took the money and used it .. end of story .. haha .. didnt even crossed my mind to pass it back to him .. well .. he was asking for it when he started scolding us .. haha .. padan muke ..

didnt msg her to whole day today ... just dont know why .. wanted to .. but i knew what i was gonna get back in return .. basically nothing .. it's not that i've given up .. i havent .. i am still waiting for her .. i think i should take her friends advice .. give her time to cool down .. i know that she's angry at me .. so i have to give her some space .. mayb when the time comes .. she might reply my sms?? who knows?

well i was reading the papers earlier .. and i saw the news about dear Uncle Ben .. and how the story went .. part of it was true .. and part of it wasnt .. the part where the JAIM ppl came .. was fake .. they freaking came at 1am .. and the newspaper wrote that they came at 10pm .. i means wtf?? but i dont blame them .. malaysia is all about politics .. newspaper dont want to cause many problems .. so they just put a nice time for them .. i dont blame them .. all i know now is that Uncle Ben is in peace now .. anyone who wants to read about him can go check out The Star papers (6/5/2009) which page i dont know .. but it's in there somewhere ..

well i seriously dont know what to write now .. just hope that things can be better soon .. i'll just have to wait for her .. i miss u karen

Ignorance Is Blyss

2009-05-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

today i had a very hard time just to think straight .. lots of things happen today .. for one is that dear Uncle Ben from Karabau Cafe passed away .. although he gave me a hard time organizing gigs and all .. but he was a great man .. i just came back from his funeral .. went there to visit him for the last time .. me and my friends played some songs for him .. all went well .. until JAIM came .. i know that Uncle Ben was married with a malay girl .. but i didnt know that he was still a muslim .. JAIM wanted to claim his body and burry it malay style .. i know that it's againts their rules to let a muslim person get cremated .. but i know that his family wants him to be creamated .. JAIM didn't get the chance to claim his body .. cos Uncle Ben's brothers stood there and fight for the rights .. JAIM went back and said that they will be back tomorrow .. it was like an action movie .. but everything was happening in front of me ..

wanted to go to the beach today .. but didnt happen cos SHE didnt want to reply me .. i wanted to take her to the beach cos that was where it all started .. at the beach .. i was basically hoping that i could bring back those feelings to her .. and mayb she can see how much she means to me .. today i recieved my phone bill and i saw her bill .. she did made a lot of calls .. but i already told her .. that i would pay for her .. so what somemore .. pay lor .. it's not that i regret or anything .. i just hope that she would talk to me again .. friends maybe? but she wont even reply me as a friend .. i was feeling damn down today .. cos of the lost of Uncle Ben .. i wasnt close to him .. but he tought me several things in life .. well he didnt say anything that tought me things .. but it was the way he wants things to be that gave me a bigger view of what a gig needs ..

when i was feeling down .. i sms'ed her .. and told her that i was not that happy .. and how i wished that she could accompany me .. but no reply .. how sad is that? i know that i did several mistake when i was with her .. but i cant change the pass .. all i have to do now is hope that one day she will forgive me and give me another chance .. that's all i'm asking for .. i still do love her .. that's a fact ..

had a chat with my best friend wui chien .. and he lectured me about my life .. i know that he was just trying to shake me out of this nightmare .. but it's hard .. the first day that i knew about Karen .. i skipped work .. i know that i wasnt suppost to skip .. cos i'm the team leader .. and i have to show a good image to them .. but i really didnt feel like working that day .. but things will change now .. i will work hard and earn back her trust in me .. hoping that one day i will be able to provide her a life that she's always wanted ..

krazy~!!

2009-05-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

today i felt like i was gonna go crazy .. the tot of her with another guy is just killing me .. i skipped work today cos i din have the mood to go work .. my friends told me "dont mad la .. work is work" .. but for me .. i dont give a fuck about anything else .. all i ever wanted is to be with her .. or at least for her to give me a chance .. it seems impossible .. was out almost the whole night .. thinking about things .. nearly died in front of her house .. cos i was reading her sms that she sent to me since last time .. i intend to read all the past when i'm sad .. i was driving back while reading her sms .. then i didn't notice the car in front of me .. and nearly banged it .. damn i was scared .. but she doesn't even care about me .. even if i were to die in front of her house .. i did sms her about that near death accident .. but she didn't even reply .. it either she's sleeping or she's just ignoring me ..

it seriously hurts my heart .. today itself i did a few things that i wont normally do .. she means the world to me .. even if it hurts me damn badly .. i still want her back .. wanting her to give me another chance .. i'm seriously willing to do anything for her .. but she wont even give me a chance .. i seriously dunno what else i can do .. i gave her my heart .. i din even care if she were to throw it away or what .. but i still gave her myh heart .. that is h0w much i love her .. but she cant see it ..

what can i do to get her to notice me? i feel like i'm back at square one .. when we first meet .. i didn't have the balls to talk to her .. i didnt have the guts to do anything .. seriously .. i'm damn scared of one thing .. is really losing her as a friend .. what else as a lover .. i dont think that i can give up on her that easy .. it might take me years .. but my heart has really learned to love her deeply .. i know that it's only 1 month of being together .. but that 1 month .. has really showed me the true meaning of love .. i just cant get my head to think straight ..

karen .. if ur reading this .. i'm begging u to give me a chance .. let me show u the love that i've given u last time .. i know that u're angry at me for lying to u about my financial problems .. but i did that cos i was seriously affraid that u might dislike me for having those kinda problems .. i know that i'm not the best in anything .. but i seriously want to be .. even if it takes me years to change .. i'm seriously willing to change .. just for u .. cant u see how much i love u? my life's a mess without you .. i serious think that i might die if i dont have u .. pls give me another chance .. i promise to be better .. to treat u better than last time .. be a better man for u .. and for ur future .. i swear on my dad's soul .. pls give me another chance.. i love u karen low ka ling

anger

2009-04-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes in life .. we just have to break the rules .. even if it's something bad .. as people said before .. life is unfair .. yes i totally agree with that .. sometimes it's just not fair .. we do good things .. but life just fucks us up .. i found out something that really breaks my heart ..

i dont wanna talk much about this ..

kill me .. someone just kill me pls

truE loVe

2009-04-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

recently i've been listening to many meaningful songs .. it gave me a clear view of the meaning of true love .. sometimes i wonder .. how all this singers can express themself so easily with words .. and make words into a beautiful song .. it amaze me to the max .. lyrics to songs sometimes can touch a person's soul so deep that makes them change they way the look at life .. it's not easy to find a nice song that touches ur heart like no other song can do ..

i've been listening to James Morrison feat Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings .. and it gave me a deeper meaning to love .. how people struggle in life .. love isn't something easy to take care of .. it requires deep attention and caringness .. some people that i know .. take love for granted .. i feel that they damn stupid .. fucked up how people can just let go so easily .. didn't love give them a big impact in life? i know that it did to me .. it made me a better person than before ..

if some of you wan to know about my past .. i was someone who does alot of stupid things without thinking (i still do but i think of the outcome) but my stupidity is mostly to fun .. to make people laugh .. even if it makes a fool out of me .. i was a naughty kid when i was young .. i did things to make my mom cry .. but now things have change .. i don't want the person i love to feel the same pain that my mom did .. i'm done with the past of making the people that cared for me the most cry .. feeling sad for something i did .. i'm not going to beat myself up for this .. but i will stand strong .. to make a better life for myself and the person that i love .. i would like to see the people i love happy .. that's all that i ever wanted .. in love and in family ..

Boring day

2009-04-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

well .. today was another boring day .. din do much .. was just rotting at home .. basically didn't do anything at all .. wanted to msg her many times .. but just don't know what to say .. and i'm kinda scared to msg her also .. scared that she wont reply me at all .. what can i do?? tell me pls ..

Meaning To Life

2009-04-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

Today itself i have loads of things in my mind .. mostly about my future .. not if i will be successful or not .. that is not really important to me right now .. cos i know that no matter what happens .. i will live my life the way that i've always planned it before .. the whole day i've only been thinking of a special person to me .. i've known her for almost 2 months adi .. but i dont seem to get her off my head .. she's very special to me but i just don't know why .. it's like when u meet someone u really care for and love with all ur heart .. everything is unexplainable .. that's how i feel right now ..

what is life without love? love is the power that makes the world turn around .. make things in life perfect .. no matter how fucked up the situation might be .. but love is always there for us ..

I love her .. and i'll wait for her .. cos that's part of what i want to do in my life .. to be with Karen

Goodbye

2009-04-26T12:21:00.000-07:00

It's a shame that it had to be this way

It's not enough to say I'm sorry

Maybe I'm to blame

Or maybe were the same

But either way I can't breathe

Either way I can't breathe

All I had to say is goodbye

Were better off this way

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive

Cause everything were been through

And everything about you

Seemed to be a lie

A guiltless twisted lie

It made me learn to hate you

Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye

Were better off this way

All I had to say is goodbye

Were better off this way

And every, everything isn't only

What it seemed so hold these

Words that you never told me

Its time to say goodbye

Goodbye

Bye

Take my pain away

tear it out

Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away

tear it out

Tell me I was wrong

take my pain away

tear it out

Tell me I was wrong

Point of View

2009-04-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

she once said to me that i will never understand how she feels when ppl spread fake rumors about her .. well now i can say that i know .. cos there are some bastards out there saying that i have a gf when i was with her .. i've been thinking of it for awhile now and i still don't know who the fuck told this rumors .. "shaun has a gf in perak when he's with u"

i wanna get things clear right now .. that girl in perak is my ex .. we broke up before i could have started work at Sudong .. and that is way way way before i even meet Karen .. i know that even when i already broke up with my ex .. i still help her out in certain things .. like her assignment and stuff .. i'm just doing it cos we're still friends .. but feelings between me and my ex is long gone .. she already has a new bf .. and i have already accepted it .. is it even wrong to help a friend? ok .. maybe i'm wrong to even lend a helping hand to my ex .. but what is done is done .. now i just want Karen back ..

sometimes in life we cant do anything .. like what i've told Karen before this .. ppl spread rumors about her is because they are jealous .. but we cant do anything about it .. we have to stand strong to fight against them .. they are FUCKING BASTARDS to spread rumors that aren't partially true ..

I hope this clears things out ..

Karen .. I'm sorry for even helping her .. i just treat her as a friend .. u ownself should know .. the time i spend with u and all .. i din even had the intention of cheating on u .. pls forgive me for what i've done .. i'm really sorry

Facts Of Life

2009-04-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

Have u ever had the feeling that everything in ur life is just about to fall to pieces? sometimes life takes a sick twist .. and we cant do anything about it .. ppl say things about u and u cant do anything about it .. yesterday, she told me that she heard that i had a gf when i was with her .. and she was in Perak .. yes i had a gf in Perak .. but we broke up way before i knew her .. i seriously dont know how that rumors can be around when it's actually in the past .. i tried to tell her that it was my ex .. but she din wan to believe me .. i cant force her .. but it just hurts my heart knowing that she hates me for something i din really do .. i swear to God that i dont have a gf when i was with her ..

she came back from penang a few days ago .. and i din even get the chance to talk to her .. she dont even wan to talk to me either .. i really miss her loads .. i wanna call her up .. but i know that she wont answer my call .. wont even reply my sms .. i feel very hopeless .. i cant even do anything to change what has happen .. and it's FUCKED UP ..

a friend of mine asked me .. "why u love her so much?" and i answer that i dont know .. but after that .. on the way home .. i was thinking of reasons why i love her so much .. but i cant just figure out why i love her so much .. mayb it's just God's doing .. sometimes i feel that God gave me this feeling for a reason .. i dont know if it's to break my heart again .. or to show me happiness .. this is the 6th time that my heart has been broken .. all i've ever done with all my relationship is shower them with love and giving them everything that they want .. but it seems that they all want to break up with me .. and i never know why .. if any of u guys out there knows the answer to this .. pls tell me .. ppl say that i'm desperate .. but let me get this straight .. i'm not desprate .. just deeply in love ..

YahOo~

2009-04-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

Today is a wonderful day

Finally got to talk to my girl

We had a very wonderful chat

At least for me

Don't know about her

But is was one of the best i had in ages

Made me realize something

How much i really want to change for her

How much she really meant to me

So i will do my best

To change for her

Stranger

2009-04-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

Turn around,

Turn around and fix your eye in my direction

So there is a connection.

Now I can't speak,

I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention

I'm staring at perfection.

Take a look at me so you can see

How beautiful you are.

You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger,

But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.

I'm broken, abandoned; you are an angel

Making all my dreams come true tonight.

I'm confident,

But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you.

I knew you could see right through me

I saw my life flash right before my very eyes

And any chance what we turn into

I was hoping that you could see

Take a look at me so you can see...

You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger,

But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.

I'm broken, abandoned; you are an angel

Making all my dreams come true tonight.

You are an angel

Making all my dreams come true tonight.

Take a look at me so you can see

How beautiful you are...

Your beauty seems so far away

I'd have to write a thousand songs

To make you comprehend how beautiful you are.

I know that I can't make you stay

But I would give my final breath

To make you understand how beautiful you are.

Understand how beautiful you are.

You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger

But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.

I'm broken, abandoned; you are an angel

Making all my dreams come true tonight.

You call me a stranger...

You say I'm a danger...

You call me a stranger...

Damn Myself~

2009-04-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

Argh .. how could i overslept .. i missed the chance to talk to her .. argh~!!

Misses

2009-04-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

it's been a few days since i last talked to her

i really miss her load

sometimes i just wish that things were back as usual

like last time

confuSed

2009-04-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

recently haven't had any mood to write in my blog .. i mean i feel sad .. and i wanna express my feelings .. but i just dont know how .. i dont really want people to know that i'm heart broken .. then suddenly out of the blue .. i said to myself .. so what if i'm sad .. i'm sad because i'm in love .. why should i be shy to show the world that i'm in love? i have never been shy to show the world that i'm in love ..

yesterday i had a chat with her .. she did tell me somethings that really hurt my feelings .. she said that we will never be together .. it seriously banged up heart up .. it felt like a freaking train just ramp into my heart .. a knife directly into my heart .. but that's life .. guess what .. i aint giving up .. i mean she told me that she don't wanna couple right now and that we wont be together .. but i'm gonna do whatever it takes to make her fall in love with me .. i dont really know how .. but i'll do my very best ..

work was ok .. got promoted to Team Leader .. but the work was fucking stressful .. the staffs all dont wanna listen to me .. guess that i dont have that leadership skill .. but will do my best ..

LiL sumtin' sumthin

2009-04-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

it's a little something i did for the person i care

it's nothing much but i hope this will do ..

i know it's mostly her pic .. wait .. it's all her pics

that is because we don't have pics together ..

but it's done ..

hope u like it (person i care for)

Here WIthout U

2009-04-02T09:03:00.001-07:00

A hundred days have made me older

Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

And I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate

Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'

As the people leave their way to say hello

I've heard this life is overrated

But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go

It gets hard but it won't take away my love

And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done

It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

n0 m00d =.=

2009-04-02T07:03:00.000-07:00

haven't been writing in my blog for the pass 2 days .. didn't have the mood .. was feeling sad .. the one person that i love dearly left me .. how suckie is that .. i know i should let things go and all .. but that is not how i am .. i wont give up without a fight .. she said that she doesn't like my attitude .. i know that love is about loving someone for who they are and accepting them for who they are .. but i dunno why .. for the person i love .. i would do anything .. trust me .. i will change for her .. mayb some of u guys out there might think this is all BULLSHIT .. well FUCK U if u think that i'm stupid or what .. although i've only been with her for 1 month plus .. i dunno how i can fall in so deep .. i've told myself to control my feelings .. take things slowly .. but i just cant .. i don't know how to do that .. Karen .. i wont give up on u .. never will .. trust me ..

well today was my first day at my new working place .. kinda fucked up cos i was bored and all .. keep on thinking of her .. can't fucking get my head to think straight .. although i assigned to be the team leader for the company .. i didn't feel happy or what .. i mean i should be .. but i'm just not .. i will feel much more happy if she's with me ..

i can't wait for her to come back from penang so i can meet up with her and try to win her heart back .. currently i feel that it's hard cos i can't see her .. can try to change back her feelings for me .. sometimes i think to myself .. does she really love me? is she serious about me or is she just playing me out .. well .. i don't really care .. cos as i know .. love is all about taking risks .. and this is the risk that i'm willing to take .. i know that if i fight for her love and find out that she doesn't want to me with me .. i will hurt even more .. but getting hurt from her is a risk i'm willing to take .. my heart's already broken .. but i'm still willing to take the risk with her .. i wanna be there for her .. i wanna be the type of man that she wants in a relationship .. i wan her back in my arms ..

Karen,

although i haven't been treating u the way that u want me to .. but take this as a promise that i'm giving to u .. i will change all those things that u don't like about me .. i will do anything and everything for u .. my life revolves around u .. not my friends .. u are the one single thing that i want in my life right now .. i know what my heart desires .. and it's U ..

P.S i <3>

WooHooo

2009-03-30T06:19:00.000-07:00

The gig i did was a success .. well not really la .. had those minor problems here and there .. but overall was great la .. did a performance .. which i can't remember the lyrics .. but had fun la .. too bad didn't pics to upload T.T ... made around 50 bucks (just a minor income) joined Sweet Rasta in their set .. i played the tambourine .. and i was like all over the place ..

guess what .. i woke up around 8.30 pm .. yea .. 8.30 PM .. was so freaking tired yesterday .. with the running and stuffs .. HAVOC~ (but fun)

miss my baby girl .. today i just recieved a call from her .. she said that she'll be in penang for 1 month .. and i was thinking to myself .. what the heck am i gonna do in that 1 months time .. damn .. it's gonna be boring .. baby girl .. come back soon .. i miss u already

FeelingS

2009-03-28T15:22:00.000-07:00

this is specially for the one person that i care the most.

Words can never express the way how i feel about U

Only by actions

Although i'm not always there for U

But deep down inside my heart, U were always with me

I know that i haven't been treating U like the way i used to

But i'm willing to change it all again

Just for your happiness

There is always a reason for the things i do

And i know there is also a reason for the things U do

I know that HE's still there in ur heart

But i'm willing to fight for your love

As i know that there is something special about U

Since the day that i saw U walking down the hall

I knew that deep down inside my heart

I want to spend the rest of my days with U

It may seem unbelievable as i don't know U yet

But love is all about taking risks

And i'm ready for everything that the world has to throw at me

Just to be with U

I would give anything

Trust is what we need to build

Faith brought us together

Love will keep US together

-Nuahs-Nerak-

MeSsed Up dAy

2009-03-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

What a messed up day today was .. i over slept at my gf's house yesterday .. which caused her to get pounding from her dad and mom (her dad disapproves with me lepak-ing there till late night) felt fcuking sorry for her .. it was fully my fault (i take the full blame) now all i have to do is find a way to win back her dad's heart .. any ideas? tomorrow my baby girl will be going to penang .. was suppost to follow her but i couldn't .. T_T

Had a small acoustic performance at a cafe in Jonker Walk (didn't even had the time to practise cos i was only informed a day before it) the performance was for the 60 hours earth thingie .. didn't even know what songs to play .. went there and simply play .. had fun and scared the shit out of myself .. cos there was ppl looking at me and all .. can't imagine that i dunno how the song sounds like when my friend asked me to sing .. how shy is that? (u imagine it for urself)

Gonna have a gig tomorrow at Jonker Walk again .. this time full band .. and i'm singing again .. damn .. i haven't even remember the lyrics yet .. and it's already freaking late .. hope i can remember it .. don't wanna screw this up (kick me in the nuts if i screw this up) haha .. well pray for me .. need all the luck for this one ..